Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize