Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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