Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
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I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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