We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
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Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
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I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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