wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
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And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
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In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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