New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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