I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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