I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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