There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize