Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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