For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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