from now on my penis is your penis
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize