My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
There was a lot of him and a little penis
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he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
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And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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