girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
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Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
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I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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