I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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