Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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