I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
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I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
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I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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