I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
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And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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