i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
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Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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