MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
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Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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