Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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