I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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