she smelled like a LAN party
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
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Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
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What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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