i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
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We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
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If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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