Need sex. Gaining weight.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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