I have demons in me.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
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If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
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i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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