So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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