pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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