Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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