did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize