Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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