you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize