sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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