90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
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We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
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I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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