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Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
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