Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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