Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
the raccoons are back...
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