Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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