i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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