i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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