How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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