Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
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If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
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Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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