so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
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there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
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You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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