The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
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While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
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the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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