Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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