I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
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i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
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I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize