smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
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I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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