Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
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She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
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My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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