Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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