As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize